On Losing a Baby

Last week we found out that our unborn baby had died; he-or-she was our fifth child but our first miscarriage. (To those who have prayed and cared for Lisa and our family, please know we are very grateful.) One of our prayers has been that God would teach us through this difficult providence. With less poetry than I feel it’s due, here are some things about that.

There really is a peace that “surpasses all understanding” (Phil. 4:7) This peace doesn’t replace or nullify tears but carries you through them. This peace doesn’t calm the waves but sends an anchor deep so the storm can’t pull you out to sea. This peace is…well, unexplainable, which is how God would have it. Those who’ve received it nod their heads in thanksgiving. Those who haven’t can only wonder, I suppose.

How wonderful is God’s covenant of grace To know that the promises of God’s grace are for me and my children (Acts 2:39), to know that this child will not come to us but that “I shall go to him” (2 Sam. 12:23), to rest in God’s power to save even those who have no capability to express faith (Confession of Faith, 10:3), to have these things is an inestimable gift. We are grateful that God’s clear teaching means being allowed to expect a reunion with a child we’ll never meet this side of the veil.

God’s love, mediated or direct, is our joy Our Heavenly Father has many tools of love and he loves to throw open the tool chest in our dark days. He has loved us directly, walking closely and tenderly through His Spirit. But like a general contractor, he has also sent scores of subcontractors to carry out his designs of love. Every phone call, every meal, every prayer of friends, every sincere note of love…we’ve gladly received them as the beautifully mediated love of our Father. To not see Jesus’ hand this week would have required a blindness from which we’ve already been delivered.

God’s grace enables us to our high calling of treating him like God all the time When waiting for the final news and in the weakness of doubt, I wondered how we would respond. To his glory, during this trial, God’s grace enables us to confess with Job, “Shall we indeed accept good from God and not accept adversity?” (Job 2:10) When taking away someone that never really belonged to us, God’s grace sufficiently humbles our hearts before his majesty, wisdom and goodness. God’s grace alone can and does enable us to “rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation and be constant in prayer” (Rom. 12:12). Perhaps it’s a different kind of speaking in tongues, being strengthened to believe and say things I never thought I could.

Finally, with no need for comment, my wife is never more precious or beautiful to me than when she is resting in the goodness of her heavenly Father.


  1. Ellen Olivetti March 6, 2012 at 6:30 am #

    Loving you and Lisa more than I can say. I also understand the peace that passes understanding, Praise God. And He will keep this precious soul in His care. I will meet you someday, my precious grandbaby.

  2. Marlene Bibby March 6, 2012 at 6:48 am #

    Understanding your pain as a grandma who went through this last year, we have been praying for you all. God’s everlasting arms are the only thing that can carry you through. So thankful you have felt them. Tears with peace is such a wonderful thing to experience. Love to you all!

  3. Ron Visser March 6, 2012 at 9:44 am #

    The joy and peace of a relationship with Christ has rarely been so beautifully spoken. Pain remains real for the Believer, yet the experience of God’s tender arms holding us as we weep carries us through and gives us hope. may God continue to richly comfort you and your family.

  4. Mark La Roi March 6, 2012 at 1:15 pm #


    I am grieved at your pain, and blessed by your turning to our Father in the midst of it. I am thankful that He does not expect us to be superheroes, but gives us His strength and a family in His blood to come together with our spiritual and physical arms around you.

    I am talking to our God your you and your family, and He is listening.

  5. Edwin Blackwood March 6, 2012 at 1:37 pm #

    Jared and Lisa – we just heard this news on Monday here in Oz. Weeping with you. Rejoicing in God’s grace to you. We pray, believing, His grace will be sufficient. Love from Ed and Nancy

  6. Phil Pockras March 6, 2012 at 2:30 pm #

    Been through it a couple times. We’d have a kid between Nathaniel and Isaac, probably graduating from Geneva this year, and a 13 1/2 year old going through the experiences of home-schooled middle school years.

    Every single point you made is not only Judy’s and my experience, but true to the Word of Hope.

    This is not to say that there will not yet be sad times. I could not think of the word “miscarriage” in conversation for a year. I went blank. Weird! However, joy wells up when I think that by God’s grace in Jesus I have two safely Home, ahead of us and perfected in holiness, and two apparently safely on their way.

  7. Rose March 7, 2012 at 7:38 am #

    My only daughter (the other four are all boys) was stillborn 24 years ago next month. I wished I had died along with her, and for years after, it was difficult to answer the question, “How many children do you have? Are they all boys?” It is still hard when people tell me how much easier boys are, or silly things like that. Now I wonder whether a girl would have kept in touch with her mother more, still sharing her activities and plans. The Psalms “From out the depths” and “For whom have I in heaven but thee” have so much more meaning. I was pregnant at the same time as all sorts of friends, and seeing them with their babies, while I explained to my two pre-schoolers that the baby we had been anticipating had died, was nearly impossible. The verse from 2 Samuel was precious. I have found that much of life as we age loosens our grip on this life and sets our face to the next. What you have just experienced is very significant in that direction. May we all be given strength for each day.

  8. Jennifer Hanson March 7, 2012 at 8:32 pm #

    Jared and Lisa,

    George and I are sad to hear about your loss. But, we are blessed to remember we have a Saviour that weeps at loss and cares and understands your pain. Equally blessed to read your comfort is in the Lord. Love to you from Dallas!

    The Hanson’s

  9. Jared Olivetti March 8, 2012 at 7:36 am #

    All, thank you very much for the kind words of support and care. God continues to be gracious, even through the internet! Love, Jared & Lisa


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