Tag Archives: Divorce

What’s a Hurting Wife To Do?

Following Rebecca VanDoodewaard’s article “A High View of Marriage Includes Divorce” here on Gentle Reformation, and with the internet abuzz with Australian reporter Julia Baird’s hit piece on the church regarding abuse that has produced such responses as “An Open Letter to Husbands Who Abuse Their Wives” at TGC, a question has been raised. What is the proper response of a Christian wife who finds herself facing a sexually immoral or abusive husband?

Though the types of situations a wife may encounter can vary greatly, meaning there is no simple blanket answer to this question, certain Biblical principles and options can be pursued. My wife, Miriam, helped me to write this post as we reflected on our experiences in pastoral ministry that, sadly, included too many wives dealing with this issue.

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What is a Christian wife to do when she discovers explicit texts from another woman on her husband’s phone? When she is shocked by an explosion of anger that creates a bleeding heart or even a bruised body? When she walks in the room unexpectedly and finds her husband watching pornographic videos?

Each of these scenarios can have quite a range of involvement and intensity, and thus influence how a wife […]

A High View of Marriage Includes Divorce

The following article is a guest post by Rebecca VanDoodewaard, author of Uprooted: A Guide for Homesick Christians and Your Future ‘Other Half’: It Matters Whom You Marry. She is married to William VanDoodewaard, Professor of Church History at Puritan Theological Seminary. They have four children.

During a recent visit, my wife and I discussed these types of issues with Bill & Rebecca. I am thankful for her willingness to express her thoughts so clearly and powerfully in this article.   

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God hates divorce, doesn’t He? Absolutely. Isn’t the gospel about forgiveness and love? Yes, it is. And pastors and elders can use these two truths in isolation from the rest of Scripture and biblical principles to deny people divorce for biblical grounds. “But marriage is a precious thing,” one pastor told a woman whose husband was in prison for pedophilia. “It would be a wonderful picture of God’s grace to move on from this and focus on your marriage,” another one told the husband of an adulteress. “We’re working with him; he’s really struggling, and so you need to forgive him,” a session tells a woman whose husband has been using pornography for years.

Evangelical and confessional churches are striving to maintain a high […]

A Godward Look at Divorce and Remarriage

Divorce. It’s an awful word. There’s some words in the English language that evoke pleasant thoughts and happy images. Divorce isn’t one of them. In fact, for me, there’s few words in the dictionary that conjure up such troublesome connotations. When I hear “divorce” I think of broken hearts, broken families, broken homes, broken children–broken promises. If there’s anything in our society that demonstrates the human heart’s propensity to lie, it’s divorce.

Recently, Gentle Reformation was asked to address the issue of divorce and remarriage. When I was training to be a pastor the problems leading to and resulting from divorce were, in my mind, thought to be some of the most challenging and difficult. This isn’t a fine point of theology we can afford to discuss in an ivory tower or fireside chat. Divorcees aren’t faceless strangers–they’re co-workers, friends, family and church members. But a commitment to Jesus and “all that he commanded” must compel us to speak with clarity, sensitivity, and compassion into a culture that’s addicted to divorce.

Of course one of the difficulties are all the what ifs. There’s a thousand seemingly hopeless scenarios where divorce almost seems to be the only option. But before one can be […]