Don't Let Your Sons Grow Up to Be Pastors: A Lament for Pastor Appreciation Month

by Kit Swartz

(Lyrics and recommended listening below)

There’s an old country song that warns mothers not to let their babies grow up to be cowboys. The reason is that cowboys are like tumbleweeds, blowing through life without human connections.  There ought to be a Gospel song that warns mothers not to let their sons grow up to be Pastors because that also is a lonely life.  A Pastor is responsible to care for a congregation and, with and through them, a community.  But who cares for the Pastor?  October is “Pastor Appreciation Month” in an ironic recognition of this generally unmet need.  Everything a Pastor does right is taken for granted because it is his duty.  The things he does wrong or poorly are the focus of attention, often because it provides an excuse for unrepentance by his critics inside and outside his church.  No mother would choose such a life for her son.  As the song says, “Let ‘em be doctors and lawyers and such”. 

Biblically speaking, the pastorate chooses you and, consequently, you choose it (Heb.5:4).  We love God because He first loved us (1Jn.4:19).  Pastors are born, not made.  They can be trained for the work but they cannot become something they are not.  The pastorate is a calling, an internal compulsion that will not be denied.  It is like fire in the bones (Jer.20:9), an irresistible necessity and obligation (1Cor.9:16).  The usual and wise counsel to those considering the pastoral ministry is, “if you can do anything else and be content, do that”.  This internal call must be confirmed by the Lord through the courts of the church in ordination and then by a congregation in a call to serve them.  But no one can survive the challenges of the pastorate without this inner fire.

The Lord, in His goodness, provides much comfort, encouragement and help to a Pastor in a wife who loves the Lord with all her heart and who loves her husband as herself.  A Pastor’s wife will make him and his ministry, or break him and his ministry.  These women are often more underappreciated than their husbands.  The Lord also provides much help through fellow Pastors, Ruling Elders and Deacons.  An indispensable support to a Pastor is a congregation whose members receive his preaching, teaching and pastoral care by storing the Word in their hearts and practicing it in their lives.  The Pastor also needs much forbearance and forgiveness from those he serves.   But the surpassing joy and means of strength for a Pastor is in the direct, personal communion with God in his biblically mandated work of prayer with the study and meditation on the Word of God contained in the Scriptures of the Old and New Testaments including disciplined attention to the Scriptures in their original languages.  This is demanding work, but it is also a means of unspeakable blessing that enriches a Pastor’s soul and empowers his teaching, preaching and pastoral care.  Without daily, persevering devotion to God in prayer and the word, the internal fire burns out, the calling dies, the Pastor fails and the church is harmed.  But by these means, the fire purifies and empowers the Pastor for his work, the calling is answered and the church is blessed and made a blessing to its community.

Mothers, don’t let your sons grow up to be Pastors.  But, if God calls them, be like Hannah and give them to God with grief over your loss but with praise and thanks to God for His gift to you in this son (1Sam.1).  Thank God that He has chosen your son for this great sacrificial service and pray that the Lord will honor Himself and bless His church and His world through the life and ministry of your son.

Kit Swartz Ruling Elder, RPC Fulton, NY; Teaching Elder Emeritus, RPC Oswego, NY _______________________________________________________ Recommended listening on YouTube: Basic country: Waylon (Jennings) & Willie (Nelson); also each individually Better together: The Highwaymen Live at Nassau Coliseum - Waylon Jennings, Willie Nelson, Johnny Cash and Kris Kristofferson

 “Mammas Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Cowboys” (originally by Ed Bruce)

Cowboys ain't easy to love and they're harder to hold
They'd rather give you a song than diamonds or gold
Lonestar belt buckles and old faded levis
And each night begins a new day
If you don't understand him, an' he don't die young
He'll prob'ly just ride away

Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be cowboys
Don't let 'em pick guitars or drive them old trucks
Let 'em be doctors and lawyers and such
Mamas don't let your babies grow up to be cowboys
'Cos they'll never stay home and they're always alone
Even with someone they love

Cowboys like smokey old pool rooms and clear mountain mornings
Little warm puppies and children and girls of the night
Them that don't know him won't like him and them that do
Sometimes won't know how to take him
He ain't wrong, he's just different but his pride won't let him
Do things to make you think he's right

Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be cowboys
Don't let 'em pick guitars or drive them old trucks
Let 'em be doctors and lawyers and such
Mamas don't let your babies grow up to be cowboys
'Cos they'll never stay home and they're always alone
Even with someone they love