The Wrong Template

Recently, at a seminary event, I was seated at a table with a missionary and his family. We were honoring the man, who was from Northern Ireland and had an Irish surname. Although he had spent two decades in France doing his mission work, he still had a proper Irish accent.

At one point in the meal, I was interacting with this missionary's adult son at the table. In something that I said to him, I intimated that he was Irish. He gently responded that he was far more French than Irish because he had spent almost his entire childhood and early adult life in France. He spoke French, enjoyed the culture and cuisine of France, and thought more like a Frenchman than an Irishman.

Though not an overly serious blunder, this interaction reminded me of how easily we can gain the wrong perception of people in the church. We come to a person with a particular template in mind of who they are. We seek to fit them into our brain's mold that, in our thinking, best captures their personality, background, gifts, interests, beliefs about subjects, etc. In so doing, we can miss learning what this unique individual, created and redeemed in the image of God, is really like.

This problem is not new in the church. In Acts 6:1, we read of a situation that occurred in the early church. “A complaint by the Hellenists arose against the Hebrews because their widows were being neglected in the daily distribution.” When you make disciples of all nations, you will make different disciples. Yet because people's differences are often overlooked or misunderstood, problems arise.

What was actually going on between these two groups in the church in Jerusalem? At first glance - or even second, third, or fourth one! - these categories of people could have appeared the same. Both of these groups were women. Both of these groups were widows. Both of these groups were Jewish. Both of these groups were Christians. Certainly, Jewish Christian Widows equal Jewish Christian Widows, correct? No, for as indicated, the true knowledge of the situation was that the one group was Hellenistic (or Grecian) Hebrew Christian Widows, and the second group was Hebraic (or Palestinian) Hebrew Christian Widows. They were quite different!

The Hellenistic or Greek Jews were in Jerusalem, but had moved into the city from elsewhere. They came from other parts of the Roman Empire. They were exiles. They spoke Greek, were more familiar with Greek customs, and probably knew more about Alexander the Great than Jewish heroes like the Maccabees. They ate more gyros while reading Homer or Plato.

The Hebraic Jewish Christians were more tied to their homeland and ancient customs. They spoke Hebrew and Aramaic, and held to the more traditional manner of the Jews. Historically, these groups always had different synagogues and rarely associated with one another. Because of the gospel of Jesus Christ, they were now in the same church. Yet the "homecourt" Jews were treated more favorably than the "visiting team." As the story of Acts indicates, the Jerusalem congregation had a way to go in getting two groups of Jewish people living together in love and care. When the Lord started adding Gentiles to the mix, things became even more interesting!

People are different even when we think they are alike. From my graduate study days at Purdue University, to my ministry as a pastor in Indiana, to now serving at RPTS, I have had the tremendous blessing of fellowship with many Chinese Christians. For Westerners, we can think simplistically that Chinese Christians = Chinese Christians, correct? No, for you quickly learn that Chinese people from the mainland, Hong Kong, Taiwan, or other parts of the world can think quite differently. You find out that they can speak different languages and dialects. If they are from the mainland, depending on where they come from in that vast country, they have varied customs, foods, cultural practices, etc. It is so easy to miscategorize people.

How do we avoid applying the wrong template to folks? Here are five ways I find helpful.

Humble yourself before Christ as you meet with others. Paul's instruction to remember Christ's great sacrifice for us should cause each of us to foster this attitude: "With humility consider one another as more important than yourselves" (Phil. 2:3). We should practice this posture every time we go to church or interact with other Christians. As I have heard elsewhere, looking down your nose at someone else when your head is bowed in gratitude to Christ is difficult. Approaching others in humility helps in not prejudging them wrongly.

Guard your heart against the sin of partiality. Having biased attitudes toward others due to what you perceive as an unfavorable status will always blind you to seeing them for who they truly are. In warning the church against favoritism to the rich, James says directly, "But if you show partiality, you are committing sin and are convicted by the Law as violators" (James 2:9).

Rejoice not only in the unity but also in the variation of Christ's body. Certainly, we are to strive toward unity in the church. The older I get, the more precious brotherly love and peace become! Yet we should also be grateful for how that unity comes through members of the body of Christ who are quite different from one another. Learn to appreciate people who are very different from you, rather than remaining distant, reticent, or judgmental about them.

Observe quietly and listen carefully to people. James' admonition to be "slow to speak and quick to hear" is instructive. As I often find with my wife, who quietly observes and interacts with people, you can learn so much about another person and see below the surface. The ability to keep quiet and listen helps prevent misjudging another.

Finally, remember how different you are. Is it not interesting how different we think other people are, not realizing that inevitably means we are different? On the one hand, think about how quickly we can get annoyed or even furious when someone wrongly characterizes us. We do not appreciate having the wrong template applied to our lives! On the other hand, when someone "gets us" by recognizing and identifying a trait or talent we have, we feel known and appreciated.