Thoughts on Gossip

Rebecca VanDoodeward is a guest contributor to Gentle Reformation and author of Uprooted: A Guide for Homesick Christians, Your Future ‘Other Half’: It Matters Whom You Marry, and Reformation Women: Sixteenth-Century Figures Who Shaped Christianity's Rebirth. This article was originally published in the October 2024 edition of Banner of Truth magazine. Used by permission.

Scripture repeatedly warns us about gossip. There are explicit statements about it, like Proverbs 26:20, and many more implicit comments, like James 1:26; 1 Tim. 5:13; Matt. 12:36–37. Perhaps the frequency with which Scripture addresses our tongues matches our frequent failure to see and understand this sin.

As Christians, we know that gossip is wrong, so why do we do it? Maybe it is getting attention by telling―something we loved as children and never grew out of. It might be wanting to be a perceived authority on a person or community; perhaps making ourselves look better by making others look worse; maybe even boredom. Gossip may have been the family culture you grew up in, or the influence of the wider culture, which certainly encourages and facilitates gossip. It may even be envy or revenge.

Not all talking about people is gossip. I know a pastor’s wife who says, “You can talk about people all you want, as long as you say good things about them.” Stories that are humorous or amazing might also not be gossip. But speaking good of others or limiting our talk of them to truly harmless entertainment is not often the bulk of daily conversation. We often fail to speak well of those around us, tend to tear down instead of build up, and also have times where we need to speak truth about others even if it is not pretty.

And we need to talk about other people in all areas of life: from how the doctor interacted to what the children’s teachers are like to how the visit went. More serious things, like going to an elder in a Matthew 18 situation, communicating something that is public knowledge for a specific purpose, seeking mature counsel, and other ways of seeking the protection and health of our churches and families is not gossip. Sometimes, in the name of not gossiping, people can actually suppress truth, leaving those around them exposed to danger. Protection, including speaking out when there is danger, is never gossip.

Gossip is different. Gossip is talking about other people in ways that we should not to people who have no right to hear. Maybe the things that we repeat are true, maybe not. It might be telling things that we know legitimately, because a person told us about themselves, but we pass it on without their knowledge or consent. Or gossip might be telling things that we have no right to know, because they were heard or read or seen without permission. Leaving out names does little to lessen guilt, especially since the person to whom we talk can often guess names. Gossip might be telling about someone’s sins or foibles; it might be telling about their circumstances. It might be telling things that are not true, but are distortions that have been perpetuated.

Maybe the clearest measure of gossip is asking if we want to tell out of love for God and those around us. Can we honestly say that? Or is something else going on in our hearts and heads?

If you have ever seen or felt the effects of gossip, you know why Scripture takes it so seriously: it attacks the unity of the church by eroding believers’ love for and trust in each other. It is really spiritually dangerous, and can destroy a congregation’s health and harmony even faster than heresy.

The catechism helps us think through this, as it asks, “what are the duties required in the ninth commandment?” The answer includes “preserving and promoting of truth… and the good name of our neighbour… speaking the truth and only the truth, in matters of judgement and justice… a charitable esteem of our neighbours; loving, desiring, and rejoicing in their good name; sorrowing for and covering their infirmities; freely acknowledging their gifts and grace, defending their innocence… study and practicing of whatever things are true, honest, lovely and of good report” (WLC, q&a 144).

That covers a lot, doesn’t it? And it is helpful to note that it forbids keeping silent at times. Not gossiping is more than just being quiet. It is a speaking well of those whom God has put around us when we can.

So how can we fight this sin that is so harmful? One practical way is talking to people more often than we talk about them. Of course, this is not possible for public figures, like political leaders or cultural figures, but for people whom we personally know, talking to them more often than we talk about them will help us know them more accurately and encourage us to curb our tongues. Speaking about someone instead of to them can develop a loop of speaking and thinking our own perspective to the point that the victim becomes a caricature of themselves. Speaking to them allows us not only to know them accurately, but see how God is working in them. No Christian is static, and speaking to others allows us understand the process of sanctification instead of passing on an outdated status quo.

Prayer is an incredibly effective weapon in the battle against gossip. When someone has hurt us or we feel the need to tell, we can tell it all to Jesus. He already knows the whole truth, including our inclination to gossip, and he loves it when we take those burdens to him. And if we regularly pray for the people we would otherwise gossip about, it actually becomes harder to gossip as conscience is softened and love for the brethren grows.

It also changes our perspective when we remember how Jesus speaks about us. Satan is the accuser, gossiping constantly to God about our sins and failures and weaknesses. Satan is the ultimate, most accurate, tireless, and vicious gossip. Jesus, in a contrast that is truly startling, speaks well of us to the Father, covering all of our sins in perfect love. Can we do less for fellow sinners?