When Saints Say "I Do"

Marriage establishes a new identity. A man becomes a husband and a woman becomes a wife. That identity follows a person through all the years that God gives. It shapes how you think, how you live, and how you relate to one another.

But for a marriage to reflect the love that exists between Christ and the church, that identity has to be grounded in something even more fundamental — the identity that a man and woman have in Jesus Christ.

What is that identity? Some of the most important passages in the Bible describing our Christian identity come through the ways in which the Apostles address those to whom they’re writing. To the Corinthians, Paul says, “To the church of God which is at Corinth, to those who are sanctified in Christ Jesus, called to be saints, with all who in every place call on the name of Jesus Christ our Lord” (1 Cor. 1:2). In Christ, one is a saint.

That’s a word that can be misunderstood. We tend to think of a saint as a kind of super-Christian — someone who is unusually holy or spiritually advanced. But it isn’t a special honor achieved by special individuals. Biblically, a saint means a “holy one,” or someone who has been separated to God. In this true sense, sainthood is bestowed by God on all believers.

This identity matters for a Christian marriage. It’s uncommon, in pre-marital counseling, marriage books, or personal stories, to emphasize that marriage is two sinners saying “I do.” Of course, that’s true. And marriage often has a way of acting like a mirror to show you just how sinful you are. Husbands and wives can be selfish, prideful, stubborn, and unkind. Learning to navigate that is a key part of marriage.

But that’s not the whole truth. Christian marriage isn’t just two sinners saying “I do,” it’s two saints saying “I do.” Two people who have been set apart by God; who belong to Christ; who are called holy and beloved; and who are being transformed by his grace.

This becomes very practical for marriage. A husband or wife must be very honest about their own sin, take personal responsibility for it, and seek in the Spirit to mortify the deeds of the flesh. But they must also learn how to approach their spouse as a saint.

The Bible repeatedly tells us how to treat fellow saints, and often the only reason given is because they are saints. In other words, because they are set apart by God the Christian is obligated, by that fact alone, to relate to other saints in a particular way — not on the basis of what they do but only by who they are.

We are to be mindful of the needs of the saints (Rom. 12:13)

We are to give help to those who saints (Rom. 16:1)

We are to be devoted to the saints (1 Cor. 16:15)

We are to love the saints (Eph. 1:5)

We are to equip the saints for service in the church (Eph. 4:12)

We are to be pure and selfless toward the saints (Eph. 5:3)

We are to pray for the saints (Eph. 6:18)

We are to be at peace with the saints (Col. 1:12)

We are to humbly serve the saints (1 Tim. 5:10)

We are to find joy in the saints (Phlm. 7)

For the Christian couple this begins with the saint in the closest proximity to them: their own spouse. And the health of a marriage will depend largely on you view your husband or wife.

If you only see each other as sinners you will be harsh, unforgiving, mean-spirited, cruel, controlling, impatient, and easily offended. But if you learn to view each other as God in Christ views the other, as those set apart and holy in his sight, you will be far more prepared to forgive, serve, sacrifice, and love as you are commanded to do. That’s because you’re no longer responding merely to what your spouse does but relating to who they are in Christ.

Yes, marriage is two sinners saying “I do.” But by the grace of God it’s also two saints saying “I do.” And when you live in this identity, that’s where marriage begins to reflect the ineffable love of Christ and his church.